How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship

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Several years ago Pat Love Ed.D. and Sunny Shulkin Ph.D., two Imago trainers and therapists, published a book titled How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship. Below is part of their list of some behaviors they identify which can, indeed, ruin a relationship:

Control everything and everyone
Never take the blame yourself; instead, make your partner wrong
Make it a habit to spend more money than you have
Win every fight, even the ones you couldn’t care less about
Keep score
Use threat often
Find your partner’s weak spot and use it against him/her
When your partner tries to please you, find fault with their efforts
Hold fast to the belief: “If you loved me you would know what I want”
Demand your partner remain faithful but refuse to meet his or her sexual needs
Use silence as a weapon
Pretend that you don’t hear
When your partner tries to apologize, bring up more complaints
Refuse to give information
When you realize you haven’t given your partner some important info, insist that you did
Claim to be the only one interested in the relationship
Never ask for help
Confide only in friends
Take it personally when your partner wants time alone
Discount your partner’s physical complaints
Give advice where it isn’t welcome
Never pick up after yourself
Refuse to seek help for your depression
Refuse to talk
Focus on changing your partner
Focus all your needs on sex
Take all problems as further proof that the relationship will not work
Put your friends before your partner
Keep romantic gestures to a minimum
Focus on your partner’s faults and deny your own
Let days go by without a kind word or loving gesture
Practice verbal abuse
Do not listen to your partner’s ideas or suggestions
Ask your partner to share feelings and when s/he does, EXPLODE
Start conversations when your partner is busy, or better yet, exhausted
Let disagreements fester
Say what you think your partner wants to hear, then do as you please